Various theories in psychology suggest that we make choices in life based on the perceived cost/benefit ratio of a particular situation and this is true of our relationships, whether at home or at work. Is this relationship costing me more than I are getting back, emotionally, physically, or financially? Is it reciprocal? Am I getting back what I am putting in?
Of course we usually don’t think about this in an intentional way, but if we were to take a time out and examine our life relationships, it is the exact route we would take.
According to motivation theory, we are constantly adjusting our behaviors based on our calculation of a cost/benefit ratio, and a fixed reference point that determines how we rate our current lot. We may compare ourselves with others who are similarly situated, or we may choose to compare ourselves with others in a much different realm. (Why we would do the latter has to do with other interesting psychological factors!)
So, transactional relationships refer to this baseline rate of exchange which is ongoing as we negotiate life turns and make choices based on cost/benefit ratios. But in some cases, and for reasons that are important to consider, we begin to think less about the transaction, and more about ways in which the relationship represents an aspect of who we are, the way we think and how it serves to fulfill a deeper sense of self.
Whether it is a car that we purchased that now represents our frugal, earth-friendly selves, or the company we joined that puts resources behind us and gives flight to our ideas, or the friend that overlooks our missteps, even when we lose our heads, we make life choices that move us beyond the transactional mode. Once we cross over into an “engaged” mode, we do more than transact, we invest. We bank our resources with someone or something because of a feeling or belief that is intangible but affirming just as if it was tangible.
The crux of the matter is why do we cross over from a transactional to a more engaged mode? Recently I gave a talk on employee engagement in the workplace, and for this reason I have been thinking about the meaning of the term. It seems to me that while we may debate and discuss the definition of employee engagement, what really matters is what employees tell us! What, in fact, engages them? And while there are some common denominators among organizations, no doubt, more important are the responses that point to what is distinct and unique. Only by intentionally asking, listening and doing, will an understanding of engagement emerge within a particular culture.
No doubt we are always in transactional relationships somewhere in our lives, but if we want to become more engaged, we might begin to think intentionally about allows us to be ourselves more fully and leads us to a deeper sense of living.
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